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Funny Restroom Story

November 16, 2011 12:25PM | Funny Restroom Story
office restrooms for employees. you know how they are. austere. fluorescent. ladies' either empty or three ladies in there. men's either empty or with two men in there, one to soon leave immediately.

so i go in, like usual it's pretty empty, the guy at the sink finishes up combing his eyebrows and walks out.

i'm glad he left. i hear chatting in the ladies room which is right next door. outside is an empty echoing hall, footfalls.

there are office cubicles in rooms very close by.

i sidle up to the urinal listening to the ghost voices from the ladies room, and halfway through my leak i feel a feeling that causes my being joy.

i have to fart.

big time.

so i let go with one of the biggest farts i've had in all year. not that i remember exactly, but it's so big that it absolutely must be. reverb reverbed around the room. it was at least 5 to 6 seconds of really intense, loud noise. i was glad another guy didn't walk in during this "occurrence."

i finish up my leak and i hear stifled giggles from the ladies room, and it makes me smile. i wonder why. why is that funny. to make invisible ladies with their pants down laugh. they are now giggling like mad through the walls.

i walk out and hurry back to my office, hoping they don't walk out and see that it was me that walked out the mens room. and they don't come out and see me.

cuz i know.

they're still in there, red faced, trying to compose themselves. hysterical, like children, like teenage girls talking about penises and spooge.

they will tell the story to their workmates, to their husbands. to their friends. or maybe they won't tell anyone. but between those ladies in there, there will always be the experience they lived through. they barely lived through.

that very big fart on 11/16/11.

they may even write the time down on the calendar, and hold an anniversary party in the ladies room next year. a red letter day. 9:16am, pst.

i may even oblige them with a repeat performance.

is this subversive?



don't clap between movements



Edited 8 time(s). Last edit at 02/17/2012 06:05PM by mike5998.
November 16, 2011 01:19PM | Re: is this subversive?
I'm not sure. Hey Wild Creature, what do you think???



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November 16, 2011 02:04PM | Re: is this subversive?
Quote
mike5998
is this subversive?

you keep using that word. . .





The first thing that distinguishes a writer is that he is most alive when alone. - Martin Amis
November 16, 2011 02:07PM | Re: is this subversive?
well goddammit.

what word am i thinking of?

revolutionary?

my name is inigo montoya.

i think farts are subversive.

prepare to die.






don't clap between movements



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 11/16/2011 02:34PM by mike5998.
November 16, 2011 02:36PM | Re: is this subversive?
does anybody remember laughter?





don't clap between movements
November 16, 2011 02:41PM | Re: is this subversive?
laughter is the best medicine.





don't clap between movements
November 16, 2011 02:50PM | Re: is this subversive?
Quote
Wild Creature
you could always take this post and turn it into a short essay for sad young cardinals. after all, the name of the blog and all. . . .

i'm not sure which mountain goats album would be best described by my o.p.

say, are you down with o.p.?

the ocean pacific.

yellow shirt and long shorts.

8th grade all over again.

reebok or nike.

i can't afford no wigwams.

michael jordan take a hikey.

playin some super mario bros 2.

i have a different friend every year.

every year i have a different friend.

just one.

this trip never ends.

too sober.

toblerone.

where do i go on summer vacation?

to my grandpa's house to pick blackberries.

disneyland, italy, sweden.

i'll never see them.

c-notes in my dreams.

my motherfuckin subaru's thrown a rod.

thanks god.

rubber chicken.

finger lickin.

gimme a break.

gimme a break.

shut yer fuckin face get in the backa my car.

high school, junior high.

what was i.

high?

sigh.

i wasn't.

i was ziggy.



with the little blue feets.



don't clap between movements
November 16, 2011 04:01PM | Re: is this subversive?
any kennedy assassination nuts out there? i find it endlessly fascinating. read stephen king's new book "11/22/63" and it only fanned the old flame.

will we ever find out the truth, you think?

the last words (compiled) of lee harvey oswald:
[www.ratical.org]



don't clap between movements



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/16/2011 04:10PM by mike5998.
November 16, 2011 04:26PM | Re: is this subversive?
i don't know about lee harvey oswald. but i do know that david foster wallace killed john updike, and wallace was in turn killed by stephen king (possibly in collusion with james wood).
November 16, 2011 04:49PM | Re: is this subversive?
now that's what i call subversive, vol. 32.



don't clap between movements
November 16, 2011 04:54PM | Re: is this subversive?
I smooth da shawties in da shawtie room know wat im sayin?
November 16, 2011 05:01PM | Re: is this subversive?
Quote
thug4lyfe
I smooth da shawties in da shawtie room know wat im sayin?

hmmm.


smooth: free from hairs or a hairy growth

shawtie (sic): a slang term for the male scrotum

shawtie (sic) room: a room for plucking scrotum hairs


you pluck your scrotum free from hairs in the room for plucking scrotum hairs?

either that, or you better have that hairy growth checked out STAT, know what im sayin!??!?



don't clap between movements
November 16, 2011 05:02PM | Re: is this subversive?
wat jo tryin ta say homes?
November 16, 2011 05:05PM | Re: is this subversive?
there ain't nothin wrong wit a little MANSCAPIN, thuggy.

[img)picture too hairy to post(/img]



don't clap between movements



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 11/17/2011 01:41PM by mike5998.
November 17, 2011 05:04AM | Re: is this subversive?
Quote
mike5998
Quote
thug4lyfe
I smooth da shawties in da shawtie room know wat im sayin?

hmmm.


smooth: free from hairs or a hairy growth

shawtie (sic): a slang term for the male scrotum

shawtie (sic) room: a room for plucking scrotum hairs


you pluck your scrotum free from hairs in the room for plucking scrotum hairs?

either that, or you better have that hairy growth checked out STAT, know what im sayin!??!?


This is why I check the forums everyday, I dont have much to post but the back and forth on here is a crack up. The photo that followed is a bit messed up - To wipe that ass with diarrhea would be a problem.

Plucking scrotum hairs is hard core, using an electric razor is bad enough.
November 17, 2011 09:48AM | Re: is this subversive?
i probly wouldn't have to post so much if there was more back and forth!

HINT HINT all you bots out there!



don't clap between movements
November 17, 2011 10:21AM | Re: Hey Wild Creature, what do you think???
[www.nytimes.com]

If [Congress] tried to enact a law requiring Americans to eat broccoli, that would be likely to violate bodily integrity and the right to liberty. But the health insurance mandate does not require Americans to subject themselves to health care. It requires them only to buy insurance to cover the costs of any health care they get.



don't clap between movements
November 17, 2011 12:17PM | Re: Hey Wild Creature, what do you think???
actually, the law requires Americans to buy health insurance, regardless of whether they use the health care or not. I think President Obama is going to lose this argument. But I've been wrong before. Also, can you please take my name out of the subject line of this thread which contains that awful picture.

And no, I don't mean the Ziggy picture.



The first thing that distinguishes a writer is that he is most alive when alone. - Martin Amis
November 17, 2011 01:06PM | Re: Hey Wild Creature, what do you think???
I'd like it if the picture was just linked and not right in the thread, cause people are looking at me weird now at work.



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November 17, 2011 01:31PM | Re: Hey WWW, what do you think???
i too would look at you weird if you were looking long and hard at that picture too, dolla.

you're not STILL looking at it, are you?



don't clap between movements



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 11/17/2011 02:27PM by mike5998.
November 17, 2011 01:44PM | Re: Hey Wild Creature, what do you think???
Quote
Wild Creature
actually, the law requires Americans to buy health insurance, regardless of whether they use the health care or not.

people who work contribute to medicare whether they like it or not.

and work is voluntary, sure.

but i'm all for bums not having to buy health insurance.



don't clap between movements
November 17, 2011 02:23PM | Re: Hey WWW, what do you think???
Quote
mike5998
i too would look at you weird if you were looking long and hard at that picture too, dolla.

you're not STILL looking at it, are you?

It's one of those magic eye 3d things, right? I think I see a sailboat.



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November 17, 2011 02:28PM | Re: Hey WWW, what do you think???
Quote
dollabill
I'd like it if the picture was just linked and not right in the thread, cause people are looking at me weird now at work.

the fact that you would like the picture linked to....just proves that the picture being right in the thread is not the real reason people at work are looking at you.

i think "yay butts LOL" says it all.



don't clap between movements



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 11/17/2011 02:31PM by mike5998.
November 17, 2011 02:33PM | Re: Hey WWW, what do you think???
Yay, Butts! LOL! is actually a webcomic I draw from my phone. My app recently broke though so it's been slow going this week. Also I didn't want to come across as trying to limit your freedom of expression, just asking as a favor for me.



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November 17, 2011 02:55PM | Re: Hey WWW, what do you think???
Reading this thread has somehow managed to inflict me with Diarrhea. I'm sure that this was the original intention all along so well played sports fans, well played.
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