haiku for buddy holly, and ambition
one day i'll publish
a book of haiku
that'll be the dayeeaaaaay, when i die
haiku for everybody
if you're new or old, welcome!
if you're new and old or neither,
welcome!
welcome!
haiku for jamison today
you can't wish in both hands, jamison
you're a smart kid
run for office
haiku for you're not alone
everybody's alone
we're born alone; we'll die alone
join the club
haiku for bots
if you fuck a bot
you are a botfucker
you like it in the bot
haiku for death
life is a merry dream
so we will all
die peacefully in our sleep
haiku for the knights of tumblar (remastered)
what the fuck is tumbler
is that like a tweet
i don't have a cell phone
haiku for the knights of tumblar (george lucas special edition)
jar jar binks fun tumbler
midichloriens
make my cell phone 4g
haiku for mara
somewhere between lao tzu's inch
and wilt chamberlin's mile
is where i'm at
haiku for john wayne
john wayne was a cowboy
but today
olives and pepperoni is
haiku for duck derma
even if the rain
soaks our plumes
we are always dry under our skin
haiku for stinky air coming out of your butt
an ancient chinese song
silences all the crickets
ode to far ting
haiku for a crazy thought
i am still the age
that i lost my virginity
is that crazy?
haiku for the pain in my neck
i like a flat pillow
fuck fluffy pillows
gimme a flat pillow
haiku for i thought of it
a sperm whale, pure nature
dropped, impaled
on the statue of liberty
haiku for why i'm not a professional idea man
always wanted to be one
problem is
no one likes my ideas
haiku for j-dawg
must be a different jesus than i know
jesus i know
loves gay jews
haiku for the rapture
second sound from the darkness, a dog's howl
first was
"i'm a follower?"
haiku for know what i'm sayin
have you ever considered
that thuggy enjoys
the art of cliche
haiku for chris barron
i liked spin doctors
i hope you saw this post
and it pissed y'off
haiku for fucking dentist
dentist, i hate you
get your sharps out my mouth
let my teeth all fall out
haiku for nu shooz
whose shoes are those
elizabeth shue's
i would like to put her shoes on
haiku for wild creature today
it doesn't matter at all
how long she lived
catherine the great is dead
haiku for aiming to please
burning dummies
makes people happy
which is really all that matters
haiku for masaoka
buson, basho, and issa
m. shiki gave name
to their creations
haiku for today, no. 237
do not google
how to pull a train
or foods that make your poo buoyant
christmas haiku no 1-01
this is a christmas haiku
for you and you
and you and you and you
christmas haiku no 1-02
i hope you have
a merry little christmas
dirty santa fucker
christmas haiku no 1-03
i will burn the house down
for christmas
if i get coal in my stocking
christmas haiku no 1-04
there is a squirrel
in the christmas tree
urinating on tinsel
christmas haiku no 1-05
i hope i get a present
but i would settle
for no present too
christmas haiku no 1-06
wishing you and yours
happy holidays
next year we all die in flames
christmas haiku no 1-07
christmas is the time of year
for drinking fruitcake
and barfing eggnog
christmas haiku no 1-08
don't forget the tree skirt
christmas elf
you dumb motherfucking asshole
haiku for haiku
haiku are easy
they are just
seventeen syllables
christmas haiku no 1-09
christmas tree
o christmas tree
i'm feeling suicidal and empty
SPECIAL GUEST: Mtn. Girl
Tis the season to
Be jolly, fa la la la
La, lala la la
christmas haiku no 1-10
please be sure that
the chimney is clean
for that fat fucking santa claus
christmas haiku no 1-11
too much eggnog
and you might wake
with mystery tinsel in your pubes
christmas haiku no 1-12
a christmas elf waits
outside your bedroom window
to kill you and yours
christmas haiku no 1-13
a nice christmas gift
for santa would be
seeing you in your panties
christmas haiku no 1-14
christmas is nice for kids
new years for adults
when will my nice time be
christmas haiku no 1-15
i like christmas cookies
i like to crumble them up
in your shampoo
christmas haiku no 1-16
the easter bunny
fucked santa claus
they said jesus christ when they came
christmas haiku no 1-17
there's a christmas tree
growing in the driveway
no liquor for eggnog
christmas haiku no 1-18
christmas, to me
means bare bottoms
and cups of alcohol with eggnog
christmas haiku no 1-19
santa thinks i'm weird
i've got a christmas boner
for all his reindeer
christmas haiku no 1-20
i overheard santa yelling
you are a whore
then he slammed the door
christmas haiku no 1-21
fruitcake is best through a straw
but fruitcake flavored vodka
makes me barf
christmas haiku no 1-22
i believe that santa claus
might have a serious
porn addiction
christmas haiku no 1-23
i stopped believing in santa
the day i found
he believed in me
christmas haiku no 1-24
jesus christ
red and green colored lights
won't make me forget about you
christmas haiku no 1-25
i hate people
who say
jesus' birthday was really in april
christmas haiku no 1-26
whoever invented the word
swag
should be beat up every christmas
christmas haiku no 1-27
i failed first grade art class
jesus christ
with claws and fangs and machine gun
christmas haiku no 1-28
i bet santa claus
smells like a pine tree
and day old reindeer urine
christmas haiku no 1-29
walgreens is the best place
to shop for christmas gifts
colostomy bags
christmas haiku no 1-30
christmas makes me
warm and fuzzy inside
or it's the chipmunk i ate
christmas haiku no 1-31
jesus grew inside an egg
made by the lord
deep in mary's pussy
christmas haiku no 1-32
it's a time christmas cheer
and also
cases of miller high life
christmas haiku no 1-33
i've got a christmas thong
up my christmas butt
it's red and green and brown
christmas haiku no 1-34
finally,
there is white hair on my dick
exclaims teenage santa claus
christmas haiku no 1-35
my favorite thing
is putting
the artificial tree together
christmas haiku no 1-36
when i clap both my hands
the lights on the christmas tree
go on and off
christmas haiku no 1-37
i've heard that
fucking a reindeer
feels just like fucking an antelope
christmas haiku no 1-38
haiku for sale, haiku for sale
all my holiday
haiku for sale
HAIKU FOR A MERRY XMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR
next year
is going to be the best year
and it will be the last year
christmas haiku no 1-39
i once got a great present
i didn't expect it
venus flytrap
christmas haiku no 1-40
i recently heard the world
is running out of frankincense
oh well
christmas haiku no 1-41
too much turkey on t-day
too much ham on christmas
new years, eggnog
christmas haiku no 1-42
the best part
of it's a wonderful life
merry christmas movie house
A LIMERICK
there once was a writer named mike
who said writing was like riding a bike
he then built a bike
that he didn't like
and he rode it all the way to france
christmas haiku no 1-43
the christmas holiday
was a gas
white beans, brussel sprouts, and cabbage
haiku for venus flytrap
every desk
needs a venus flytrap
to tell you when your fly is down
haiku for golf clubs
i ching, i swing, i fling
my grip fails and the club
sails into the sun
haiku to make everybody happy
corporations are people
money is speech
now who is government
haiku for having fingers to count on
to pull good haiku
from one's ass
one must have an assful of haiku
haiku for george
george may not be
one's favorite beatle
but he is the best beatle
haiku for nostril and eyebrow hairs
nostril and eyebrow hairs
why do you grow so fast
and so uneven
haiku for a brake job
broken brakes can break the bank
does that make me a bank
since now i'm broke
haiku for heartburn and diarrhea
heartburn and diarrhea
you keep me awake
cleaning the toilet
haiku for the word 'should'
the rich should help their country out
they won't go to war
so they should help the poor
haiku for the supposed indie genre
indie is what hipsters like
nobody likes to be called
a hipster
haiku for tumbler
gulp gulp, gobble gobble
a turkey drinking?
no; human centipede
haiku for olive oyl
put 'em on the glass
and i'll put it in your donkey
fits like a hat
haiku for ancient chinese proverb #2958
a small possible attack
is much better
than a large certain one
haiku for the kind of
i get kind of drunk
listen to kind of blue
then i kind of pass out
haiku for ‘it blew my mind!’
what the hell! haha
get in get in get in!
i love it i love it!
the haiku version of the tale of tao and mao
there once was a taoist
who spoke to a maoist
good evening, he said
haiku for sun ra 1978
he makes me mad
makes me rethink
every idea i've ever had
haiku for mollysophia
the elm looked at the aspen and said
one never truly leaves,
do one?
haiku for misplaced preposition
crud!
i have been rebuked!
the windsor knot is all the rage in paris!
haiku for an imaginary lamentation by issa
everybody else's haikus
are always so much better than mine
haiku for gregorian monks
hear them in the halls
hear them in the halls
it's a sin to touch your balls
haiku for vermont
my family
used to vacation in stowe
i remember the snow
haiku for ryan adams
mess up your hair, ryan adams
you are a rock star
get your game on
the question & the answer haiku
if everything is god
why not shit your pants
fish don't know about france
haiku just for you
i like everybody
i like everything
but especially you
haiku for us jerks
we were all masturbations
spasms
twitches in our parent's crotches
haiku to those that are not the master
be the master
or else you will be mastered
masturbating alone
haiku for mitch mitchell
i don't live today
neither do you
mitch mitchell
neither do you
haiku for going to georgia
the most remarkable thing
about going to georgia
is that it is
haiku to the master
he sees the borders of his country
and the country that lies beyond
haiku to merzbow
he sees the borders of his world
and the universe that lies beyond
haiku for noise
noise is not just noise
noise is also the spaces
inbetween the noise
SPECIAL GUEST: monkandmovies13
Haikus are easy
But sometimes they don't make sense
Refrigerator
untitled haiku no 1-01
anyone
can do a haiku
that someone will get something out of
untitled haiku no 1-02
irc...maybe
i will watch out
for correct planet alignment
ANOTHER LIMERICK
There once was a man from Australia
With herpes on his genitalia
he fucked a giraffe
til his dick broke in half
it's tough when your dick starts ta fail ya!
SPECIAL GUEST: Issa
do not kill the poor fly
he awaits your mercy
while he wrings his hands
post count haiku for dollabill
1,300. 13,000.
13,000,000.
they are just zeros.
untitled haiku no 1-03
it's quality,
not quantity.
y'all got me beat by miles, davis.
eggo haiku for wild creature
i am no wiser than you
wild creature
i just really like waffles
haiku for brautigan79
ditch it and be well
or keep it and be ill
decisions decisions
haiku for wild creature
when someone is serious, it makes me sad
it makes me cry
cry blood
untitled haiku no 1-04
the bald butt fucker
bursts buttery fuckbutter
between my buttered up buns
(selection from "haiku of the pig face", hyperion select ltd. 2007,
check your local library)
untitled haiku no 1-05
issa and basho
i love japanese haiku
like a duck loves rain
untitled haiku no 1-06
i love mountain goats
they scale mountains with a leap
like a jumping bean
haiku for mike3000's guide to a better life, step 1
it's still in revision
"stfu" or "lick my butt"
decisions
my haiku for now
it's two thousand ten
and i'm still waiting
for a new my bloody valentine record
haiku for TCB
the coroner's gambit
it's a perfect album
it feels brown to me
haiku for death
when we leave it all behind
there is only everything
and nothing
haiku for beans
start to fill your cart
at the mini-mart full of beans
then drive off in your dodge dart to your wife who is a tart.
haiku for mountain goats fans
mountain goats fans
should know all the songs
written by jackie deshannon
haiku for windows
macs lick my ass
not macs in general
but yours in particular
haiku for eating crow
those secure with their own thoughts and place in the universe
can project their humanity onto animals or not
and can obey formal poetic conventions or not
haiku for beating a dead horse
horse meat is very tough
beat it before you eat it
that's what he said
haiku for today, part 2
there was a girl
a very strange enchanted girl
she borrowed my pen
haiku for today, part 1
pig farts stink
i muse as i drink
bottle after bottle of high life
haiku for zoop the goat
zoop zoop
zoop the goat
don't forget your coat
haiku for paris in october
ahhhhhhh.
paris in october.
haiku for food
i can't explain food
it's something we eat i guess
it's making me think
haiku for me
my life
is exactly the way i want it
i am in charge of it
haiku for right now
i want to take the vow
but i can't right now
i have to do something
haiku for the anal
i'm a taoist
seventeen syllables
is seventeen syllables
haiku for 2007
you are not old
you are vintage
hope you had a super birthday, john
haiku for maximo
i am an adult now
now that someone depends on me
for fart jokes
haiku for alectherins’ haiku
i think that haiku came
from the depths of your toilet
alectherins
haiku for i don't like brian wilson and i don't like you
the beatles are not john lennon
the beach boys are not brian wilson
haiku for i don't give a fuck
17 syllables
is 17 syllables
motherfucker
haiku for the miserable
the reason for your misery
is the same one as mine
what is it?
haiku for doing dumb stuff at airports
don't walk in the airport.
don't run.
but skip, skip everywhere like a girl!
haiku for rikalbatros
i hate to see rik leave
butt i love to watch him go
sunset in march
the breakup haiku
i don't hate you...
i'm just done wasting time.
maybe i'll see you around!
haiku for music
tues/thurs i listen to dylan
mon/wed/fri
i listen to led zep
my haiku for VU&N
VU&N is worth waiting.
worth waiting for.
waiting for the man.
haiku for 2010
40 times, 4 times ten
and 2 times twenty
40 x 39
haiku for alex chilton
alex chilton is dead
i wonder where he is right now
i wonder
haiku for april fools
in the year
two thousand and nine
i doth pooped five hundred and twelve times
haiku for extroverts
people who say they're extroverts
are lying to themselves
and the world
a triple haiku for today is today
today is today
until tomorrow
when it will be yesterday
yesterday was today
til today
now yesterday is yesterday
tomorrow won't be today
til tomorrow
i can't wait til today
(a single, became
a double, became
a triple. same with whiskey)
haiku for boy and girl
you two and a bag of ruffles
with no clothes on
sunday afternoon
haiku for death #1,948,759
it will be interesting
when i die
i wonder what will happen
haiku for knowing the definition of depressing
dead dennis hopper
and dead gary coleman
don't really give a shit
double haiku for dennis hopper
saw easy rider once
i couldn't remember
if you acted well
but i saw you in a few commercials
and you
acted well in them
haiku for gary coleman
gary coleman heaven
he's six foot seven
willis does not exist
haiku for richard pryor
end your sentences with
i don't give a fuck
richard pryor is king
haiku for non-traditional haiku
i'm just making these up along as i go
they are all haiku though
haiku for the end of the day
when i get home
i am going to have a smoke
and forget my day
haiku for the top three initials
i like ms. pac man
better than pac man
i'm number one in seaside
haiku for a kit kat
give me a break
give me a break
break me off a piece of that kit kat
haiku for geico
i wish all technology were gone
and we had to live
like cavemen
haiku for veggie delite
two twelve-inch subway subs
caused me to poop
a twenty-four inch clay bat
haiku for 9 lives
you know what they say
about cats and curiosity
watch out
haiku for the point
there is a point to all this
but we don't need to know
what that point is
haiku for not complaining
back in college
i gave up complaining
so now i just don’t complain
haiku for that's life
i once pissed on a dog turd
i should not have been wearing
my new shoes
haiku for dusty carrots
love is a dusty carrot
in the bottom vest pocket
of a hare
haiku for
if death is not life
and life is not death
then neither exists
haiku for robert plant
i once wrote a haiku
that i now cannot recall
makes me wonder
hauki
haha, oh now i get it
it's an inside joke
i'm human, like everyone
haiku for my taste in music
i do not have good taste
i just listen to everything
i can find
another haiku for control, and/or the lackthereof
guns floating in space
they enter the atmosphere, aimed
straight at my skull
a haiku for my kind of math
without control you are one of billions
without fear
you are alone
haiku for justin and taylor
youth is an amplifier
a heartbreak becomes 10
two, 100
haiku for what has grabbed my ears
frank zappa and the turtles
high art on the half shell
what a pumpkin
haiku for no future
the future
is a giant meteor
december 2012
haiku for my red leather shoes
easily cowed
easily suede
what's up with cows being pushed around
haiku for being only a pwn in their game
all my game is gone
i have no more game
i am completely gameless
haiku for aren't expectations a bitch?
no
they're natural
and better dealt with instead of run away from
haiku for jane russell
rest in peace, jane russell
like all things will be
perfect while they lasted
haiku for mahalia jackson
mahalia jackson
could separate the wheat from the chaff
with her voice
SPECIAL GUEST: SlowWestVulture
Haiku for Granny Night
I enjoy cookies
Mike, I wrote a haiku first
Ha ha ha, ha ha
haiku for pink floyd in america
sole recording
1968 tour
a monstrous interstellar
haiku for tiggy-winkle
don't get me wrong
assholes are great
but it's all pork around a pig's ass
haiku for the late show at the paradiso
rare flaming
and the only live recording
of keep smiling people
haiku for 1968
pink floyd
the early show
at the amsterdam paradiso in may
haiku for the song i can't stand to hear
there's a song i can't stand to hear
lay down sally
by eric clapton
haiku for haiku praise
i tend to communicate best
in seventeen syllables
these days
haiku for right now
many peeps lurking
nobody posting
friday in february
haiku for know wat im sayin
i ching is for fools!
book of mormon! book of mormon!
book of mormon!
haiku for 1973 bob dylan
you were so much younger then
you're older than that now
and vice versa
haiku for jared lee loughner
alas alack poor yorick
i know ye well
that face in the mirror
haiku for Have your ever wondered?
i never wonder
but i do often ponder
loving small wonder
haiku for lame jokes
ever tried DSL?
lot quicker.
suicide is slow with liquor.
untitled haiku no 1-07
i was going to whack it
but then i figured i'd just hack it
hack hack hack hack it apart!
haiku for baby snakes
billy was a mountain
ethel was a tree
growing on his shoulder
haiku for haiku, number two
five seven five
seventeen syllables
is seventeen syllables
SPECIAL GUEST: StatusFrustratio
Haiku for jacobfiala
5
7
5
SPECIAL GUEST: Johnp
Edited 5 7 5 time(s).
Last edit at 04/22/2011
02:43PM by mike5998.
haiku for a meme
rick astley
is temporary
but a haiku will last forever
haiku for protopostmodernism
something about
when a door is closed
and then a window is opened
haiku for a thought just a minute ago
crossing my fingers
hoping the band name
megafun does not exist
haiku for i'm not political
vote for lesser evil!
you are either with us
or you are evil!
haiku for alpha puppington
you think it is dumb
and yet it spoke to me
the difference of people
haiku for coltrane's ascension
some mountains
you can’t see the tops of
you climb through clouds up to heaven
haiku for vile bile
if you can't take the heat
stay out of the kitchen
look at who's missing
haiku for freewheelin'
10 thousand dollars
at the drop of a hat
i'd give it all gladly
haiku for charles mingus
the black saint and the sinner lady
POW
wild moving mingus, batman
haiku for wild creature
you belong
among the wild creatures
you belong somewhere you feel free
haiku for bach's bottom
i love alex chilton
he's a piece of work
he's a piece of art work!
April 23, 2012 03:45PM | Re: Essays on the Mountain Goats
